It is hurtful to be told that you are a lesser man. To feel her blows chomp with great force at my ego, whilst her anger driven words, strike at me, again and again like an axe to a tree. I am helpless in my defence, speechless and totally absorbent.
We see our buried treasure at opposing ends of the rainbow, yet I find that she does not value my gold; she does not believe that it is a path worth pursuing.
The path that she follows is not the wrong path. Our goal is the same, the mission affects us both. She is not wrong that I should realign my goals to hers, walk the journey with her and mostly lead the way. We would both reap the benefits of this.
Yet my focus is magnetised to the path that I leave behind. It is a sacrifice that I have to make for the greater good, but it tempts me so. I feel the pressure of it’s presence behind me like a burden I cannot shed. Leaving it behind is like suppressing an element of my true self, of shielding me from the fruits that define my character and give depth to my true inner self.
The real me does not touch her soul. It is not a wavelength she can tune into, and it does not play the kind of music she would listen to. If she looked deep into my mind she would probably scream and run away.
Yet this is precisely the anchor I cannot raise, its weight bearing me down, sinking me and everything that is important to me into unforeseeable depths. How can I wrestle this monster that is selfishness? How do I shake off this snake that is arrogance and blinding me with its poison?