It is hurtful to be told that you are a lesser man. To feel her blows chomp with great force at my ego, whilst her anger driven words, strike at me, again and again like an axe to a tree. I am helpless in my defence, speechless and totally absorbent.
We see our buried treasure at opposing ends of the rainbow, yet I find that she does not value my gold; she does not believe that it is a path worth pursuing.
The path that she follows is not the wrong path. Our goal is the same, the mission affects us both. She is not wrong that I should realign my goals to hers, walk the journey with her and mostly lead the way. We would both reap the benefits of this.
Yet my focus is magnetised to the path that I leave behind. It is a sacrifice that I have to make for the greater good, but it tempts me so. I feel the pressure of it’s presence behind me like a burden I cannot shed. Leaving it behind is like suppressing an element of my true self, of shielding me from the fruits that define my character and give depth to my true inner self.
The real me does not touch her soul. It is not a wavelength she can tune into, and it does not play the kind of music she would listen to. If she looked deep into my mind she would probably scream and run away.
Yet this is precisely the anchor I cannot raise, its weight bearing me down, sinking me and everything that is important to me into unforeseeable depths. How can I wrestle this monster that is selfishness? How do I shake off this snake that is arrogance and blinding me with its poison?
Wednesday 29 December 2010
Sunday 26 December 2010
LAND OF JUNK
A Man came into the room of junk. He looked; Amazed, he continued to stare until it dazzled his brain. He scratched his head.
This was insane.
He opened the door and dived into the pool; he swam to the bottom and balanced himself on the floor. He looked up and watched the ducks float past above him.
Around him half floating half sunk, lay junk. Huge amounts of junk. He scratched his head. A small shark came up and circled around him, tasting the water for signs of food. He asked the shark what it thought about the junk. The shark scratched its head, and then swam away. He made his way to the surface, and climbed out.
He stood in the office, soaking wet and dripping. The others watched him for a moment and then continued their work. He walked across the hall leaving a trail of water, his shoes squelched as he passed the quiet workers, but they noticed him no more. He walked around the junk that was piled on the floor, and had to climb over other parts. He made his way to the door, but it was barricaded with the junk. He stood there scratching his head. He looked back and watched the madness. A window was open. He climbed his way to it and jumped out.
He was lucky that the sand broke his fall. He gathered himself and looked around. Seagulls screamed up above. The ocean was calm and the tide was in. Dark clouds loomed overhead and the beach was deserted. He walked out towards the water making sure to avoid the junk that was strewn all over the rusty sand. He had to walk in zigzags to get around the masses of it randomly placed all the way up to the ocean and further still. He walked until he was knee deep into the water. The waves splashed against him forcing him to sway and rock as he walked. He could feel the junk around his legs, and so he followed the trail until he was submerged fully in the water.
He swam in the deep dark water searching for peace. The junk floated all around him. He dived deeper until the light faded completely. He stopped and looked around. He could not see very far and he risked getting lost in the maze of junk that was now swallowing him in. He panicked slightly, and looked for a way out. The shark came back. It had been chewing on the bits of various junk. It watched him floating in the dark cold water scratching his head. The shark offered him a ride to the surface and so he held its fin whilst it speedily swam to the top.
A boat was sailing above. The crew noticed him floating and picked him up. By now it was raining heavily. He shivered with cold. The captain wrapped a towel around him and placed a hot mug of cocoa in his hands. He looked at the junk on the ship. It was some what different to most of the other junk he had seen but the captain explained that they had travelled far and wide. He drank his cocoa whilst the captain stood near scratching his head and gleaming at his huge collection of exotic junk. “All over the world” the captain was saying “They have so many different kinds all over the world, what is in the oceans is different to what is on the land”.
“Did you encounter any free land or clean ocean?” the man asked the captain. The captain looked at this bizarre man and laughed hysterically. “Are you serious?” he asked when he had caught his breath. “Free land, and clean ocean?” he repeated.
Then he seemed to stare blankly out into the far horizon and drift away in his thoughts. “…..free land…clean ocean….” He murmured.
The man stood up and put his head up into the rain letting the cold water soak into his skin. He watched the sky. It was never without dark clouds. He looked at the vast amount of space in between and closed his eyes in despair. Then he made his way to the cabin and walked in.
This was insane.
He opened the door and dived into the pool; he swam to the bottom and balanced himself on the floor. He looked up and watched the ducks float past above him.
Around him half floating half sunk, lay junk. Huge amounts of junk. He scratched his head. A small shark came up and circled around him, tasting the water for signs of food. He asked the shark what it thought about the junk. The shark scratched its head, and then swam away. He made his way to the surface, and climbed out.
He stood in the office, soaking wet and dripping. The others watched him for a moment and then continued their work. He walked across the hall leaving a trail of water, his shoes squelched as he passed the quiet workers, but they noticed him no more. He walked around the junk that was piled on the floor, and had to climb over other parts. He made his way to the door, but it was barricaded with the junk. He stood there scratching his head. He looked back and watched the madness. A window was open. He climbed his way to it and jumped out.
He was lucky that the sand broke his fall. He gathered himself and looked around. Seagulls screamed up above. The ocean was calm and the tide was in. Dark clouds loomed overhead and the beach was deserted. He walked out towards the water making sure to avoid the junk that was strewn all over the rusty sand. He had to walk in zigzags to get around the masses of it randomly placed all the way up to the ocean and further still. He walked until he was knee deep into the water. The waves splashed against him forcing him to sway and rock as he walked. He could feel the junk around his legs, and so he followed the trail until he was submerged fully in the water.
He swam in the deep dark water searching for peace. The junk floated all around him. He dived deeper until the light faded completely. He stopped and looked around. He could not see very far and he risked getting lost in the maze of junk that was now swallowing him in. He panicked slightly, and looked for a way out. The shark came back. It had been chewing on the bits of various junk. It watched him floating in the dark cold water scratching his head. The shark offered him a ride to the surface and so he held its fin whilst it speedily swam to the top.
A boat was sailing above. The crew noticed him floating and picked him up. By now it was raining heavily. He shivered with cold. The captain wrapped a towel around him and placed a hot mug of cocoa in his hands. He looked at the junk on the ship. It was some what different to most of the other junk he had seen but the captain explained that they had travelled far and wide. He drank his cocoa whilst the captain stood near scratching his head and gleaming at his huge collection of exotic junk. “All over the world” the captain was saying “They have so many different kinds all over the world, what is in the oceans is different to what is on the land”.
“Did you encounter any free land or clean ocean?” the man asked the captain. The captain looked at this bizarre man and laughed hysterically. “Are you serious?” he asked when he had caught his breath. “Free land, and clean ocean?” he repeated.
Then he seemed to stare blankly out into the far horizon and drift away in his thoughts. “…..free land…clean ocean….” He murmured.
The man stood up and put his head up into the rain letting the cold water soak into his skin. He watched the sky. It was never without dark clouds. He looked at the vast amount of space in between and closed his eyes in despair. Then he made his way to the cabin and walked in.
Wednesday 22 December 2010
The Madness Within..
He emerged from the depths of his own madness, seemingly refreshed and then quite suddenly became frustrated to have been rudely awoken back into a world from which he had mentally escaped.
Realisation in his short moment of sanity struck him of what chaos surrounded him. He felt immediately threatened, and recoiled into a corner like a wounded, but dangerous animal.
All of his senses went into overdrive, his heart pounding as the rush of adrenaline fuelled his fear and desperate need for self-preservation.
He blinked continuously as his head moved in all directions, his eyes trying to acknowledge every inch of matter that existed between him and the full length of his vision.
His mind switched back and forth like a flashing light between this world and the hell of insanity which threatened to imprison him forever.
Nothing made sense; he could not focus on his environment or shake himself off this feeling of disillusionment and insecurity. His head felt like it was about to explode, strange sounds echoed in his ears, vibrated in his skull. His vision became blurred and images of the white demons towering over him made him scream in horror. His whole body became rigid, pinned against the wall as the demons overpowered him ready to escort him back into the underworld of nightmares. An excruciating pain in his arm followed by numbness and a loss of energy as their venom seeped into him finally persuaded him that it was over. He stopped fighting and gave in against their power, switching off his mind to the darkness and the deep abyss of nothing…
Realisation in his short moment of sanity struck him of what chaos surrounded him. He felt immediately threatened, and recoiled into a corner like a wounded, but dangerous animal.
All of his senses went into overdrive, his heart pounding as the rush of adrenaline fuelled his fear and desperate need for self-preservation.
He blinked continuously as his head moved in all directions, his eyes trying to acknowledge every inch of matter that existed between him and the full length of his vision.
His mind switched back and forth like a flashing light between this world and the hell of insanity which threatened to imprison him forever.
Nothing made sense; he could not focus on his environment or shake himself off this feeling of disillusionment and insecurity. His head felt like it was about to explode, strange sounds echoed in his ears, vibrated in his skull. His vision became blurred and images of the white demons towering over him made him scream in horror. His whole body became rigid, pinned against the wall as the demons overpowered him ready to escort him back into the underworld of nightmares. An excruciating pain in his arm followed by numbness and a loss of energy as their venom seeped into him finally persuaded him that it was over. He stopped fighting and gave in against their power, switching off his mind to the darkness and the deep abyss of nothing…
Friday 17 December 2010
The craziness expands
Finally got off my lazy ass to put this thing together, so bear with me those who might fall into this maze of craziness that I find myself revolving around. This is an extension of my Twitter feeds @farookster, so follow me for some dark little stories that are weird, twisted and unconventional and share your thoughts, ideas and opinions.
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